There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
