she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize