five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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