you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
