We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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