She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
