bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
