My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
