We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
