You're my little dorito
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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