just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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