wakey wakey hands off snakey
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
