So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
