A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
