i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
