it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
