well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
