Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
