But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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