Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
