Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
