I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He has the fingertips of a God
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