I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
