I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize