Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
