But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
