Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
