My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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