Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
