she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
