I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
