fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
