I'm jealous of your bromance
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
