I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i think i just naturally attract stoners
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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