the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
