Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
