I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
