Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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