Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
