tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
