Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They have beer where we have blood.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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