Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
