i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
