What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
