I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
