so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
