Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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