screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
