remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
