So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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