My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
