Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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