Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My vagina just recognized that song.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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