I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
