I must be too annoying 4 u.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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