I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize