We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
