We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
