How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize