my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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