It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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