Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
