don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
