i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
