I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
