Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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