Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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