Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
