I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
