Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
