Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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