Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
