no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
