You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
