just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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